July 20, 2011

Back by Popular Demand

Posted in Uncategorized at 11:32 am by ginalucca

WARNING: THIS POST MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR A YOUNG AUDIENCE.

Back by popular demand, I am writing a new blog. By “popular demand”, I mean my mom has been asking me to write one about some of my summer adventures. Let me just quick get everyone up to speed on where I am at and what I am doing these days. In April I moved from Herndon to Arlington and I couldn’t be happier about this decision. I don’t go out partying every weekend, but having the ability to go out when I feel like it and not go to the same 1 or 2 places every time is great. Arlington is also a very active area and I constantly see people outside running, biking, walking up and down the streets, etc. I am such a social person and I need to feel like I am around lots of people.

Also, I took a new part-time job as a cheerleading coach for Washington-Lee High School. I am the assistant coach for the varsity squad and I’m really excited about it!! The girls have started pre-season conditioning and just based on my schedule and some random pet-sitting gigs, I wasn’t able to attend until this past Monday. It was definitely a great work out and it makes me wish that my squad had done more of that before the season officially started. It just helps you get back in to shape and are less likely to injure yourself.

Alright, now that I got some of the basics out of the way, I’ll indulge my mom by sharing my adventure at SpaWorld with you. So I got this Groupon for this place called SpaWorld that’s in Centreville, VA and I asked Jess if she wanted to purchase the Groupon too. FYI – If you don’t know what Groupon is, it’s daily discount coupons for different places and activities. So we got a Groupon for SpaWorld for $18 (50% off the regular price). I don’t know if I didn’t read the Groupon that well or what, but I had no idea what I was really signing up for.

Jess and I decide to go on a Saturday,which is probably the stupidest idea because places are always slammed on weekends, and after checking in we take off our shoes and put them in these itty bitty lockers in the front. They give us a key that you wear around your wrist and a canvas orange top and bottoms. They tell us that you need to wear these garments when you are in the public areas. Never having been to this place Jess and I just follow the other women in to the women’s locker room to put our other items (purse, clothes, etc.) away. We walk in and all I see are BOOBS!! Every where I look ladies are just walking around naked. Some were big, some were small, some didn’t look like they had any at all. It’s like a train wreck that you just can’t help looking at. I immediatley bust out in to a laugh, turn around to Jess and give her “the look” like “what the hell did we just sign up for?”. Inside the locker room we have another locker and we aren’t next to each other so cluelessly I put my items away and then go back to find Jess to figure out what the hell we are supposed to be doing. One of her “locker neighbors” realizes that we don’t know what we’re doing so she tells us to put on our canvas ensemble to go outside and in the poultice rooms (sauna rooms that have different themes like salt, amethyst, red rock clay, etc.) and when we are done we come back to the locker room and get naked to go in to the bade pool. I knew I read something on the Groupon details that said you had to get naked, but for some reason I thought that they wouldn’t really enforce that. Apparently they do. (BTW – Each sex has their own bade pool. So only women are naked with women.) After the woman finishes telling us this information she walks away. I turn to Jess and say, “I don’t mean to sound like a perv, but she had pretty nice boobs”. Jess agrees and says “Yeah, do you think they are fake?” I say, “No, they looked too natural”.

I go back to my locker, strip down, and throw on these orangish canvas top and bottom, walk barefoot back over to Jess and we are off. No undies, no bra, no shoes, I’m feeling pretty nice and free at this point. We enter this large area and there are these mini-rooms surrounding the walls and we first start with the amethyst room. Not looking up to see it’s somewhere around 160+ degrees in there I loudly say “holy shit! it’s hot in here!”, then I realize that you’re supposed to be quiet and it’s supposed to be relaxing. I find a spot for me and Jess to lay on the floor and pretty much just sweat. And that’s just what we did. Each room we went in to we sweat some more, and some more, until it literally looked like we pissed ourselves. Don’t worry, most people were soaking wet with sweat. It sounds pretty terrible, and it is if you don’t have a towel from the locker room to wipe your face off (learned that after the first poultice room), but it’s actually pretty calming and a nice detox for your body. I was definitely needing that detox after downing lots of booze the night before.

Okay, after we had our fun with the poultice rooms and grabbed some water, iced green tea and watermelon, we headed our way back to the locker room. We also checked out how long it would take for any of their other services like massages, manis, pedis, etc., but the wait was a couple hours so we said forget it. Alright, here comes the good stuff. I don’t have the most rocking bod so I was originally nervous about just dropping drawers and wading around in a pool with a bunch of other women, however, after I got done sweating from places I didn’t know I could sweat I was all about that pool. So here goes nothing! Drop drawers and head inside this huge pool area.

I don’t mean to sound cocky, but I was looking like a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model compared to some of these other women.  This one lady was definitley pushing 350+ lbs.  and I figured if she felt comfortable enough to get naked, so could I. I proceed to take the required foam shower before entering the pool. Another “awesome” part about the pool is that the showers are open and face everyone in the pool. To make Jess feel more comfortable I lathered myself up and tried to look sexy by having soap bubbles cover my “special” areas and giggle like a school girl. I don’t know if it made her feel comfortable per se, but she did laugh at me. As we walk around to the entrance of the pool we can’t help but notice that there are just PUFFS and PUFFS of amazonian-like hair jumping out of us. I’m not going to specifically spell out where this hair is, so if you can’t figure it out by my context clues there isn’t much hope for you. Jess looks at me and says “I feel like a 12 year old” and I laugh and look at her and say “Yeah, you do, but at least we can’t braid it”. 

We find our way in to the pool and it was unbelievably relaxing. I didn’t care how pruny I got in there because  my body felt like it was in heaven. The pool is  cut in to different sections and there are these relaxing jets that vary on pressure and hit different parts of your body depending on where you are. Unfortunately I wasn’t wearing my contacts that day so after Jess told me that she didn’t want to be in this one area and was going to go some place else I just waved her off and said okay. I didn’t watch where she went though so after I realize that it’s been some time I start looking around and can’t make out a ton of faces. I’m not blind, but I can’t make out facial features when I am not wearing my glasses or contacts. So here I am trying to inadvertently look at women, who again are just floating around naked, and trying not to get too close to seem like a perv. We eventually find one another and then decide to go in to this other little pool which is only like 50-55 degrees. We got to maybe our ankles before we both whimped out and got out. Then we head to this other little pool that is medium warm, comfortable, and this women comes up and tells us we need to get out. I didn’t know that’s why we got out, but Jess later told me that the woman said it was the “kiddie pool” (yes, you can bring your kids here if you would like) and we couldn’t be in there. Whoops! 🙂

We tried a few other areas like the dry sauna and the mist sauna before getting in to the main bade pool one more time. Hopped out, lathered up in front of everyone one more time, and then headed back in to the locker room to get dressed. I actually lost 2 lbs. just being there so that was kind of cool. But I think I gained it back by hitting up Chipotle on the way back to Jess’ place. All in all I actually had a really good experience and actually purchaed another Groupon. I am thinking that the next time I go it will be during the week though when hopefully it is less crowded. Jess purchased 3 Groupons, 1 for her and Greg, and another 1 for when we can go together again. I think Annie got one too so we said that the three of us can go together and re-enact our old bath tub days. Jess sits in the front, I’m in the middle, and Annie is in the back. If the water gets too cold we will push it back toward her and she will push her cold water up to the front. Believe me, this technique works and we had mastered it by the time Jess was 7. Haha!!

I told my mom this story after we visited and she insisted that I write a blog to share with everyone else. So here it is! Also, I called up to Grams’ place last week and my aunt Carolyn, who is up visiting with her fam, hops on the phone and asks what Jess meant when she said she felt like a 12 year old and what all this “bald eagle” stuff is about. She also suggested that we start a club now dedicated to this cause. There are so many women out there are suffering from amazon-puff syndrom — A.P.S. If you know of anyone suffering from this, or if you yourself are, please head to your local Target, Kmart, grocery store, or anywhere that razors and shaving cream are sold and purchase these items. Together we can stand up to this grooming tradgedy and create more awareness.

Alright, mom that’s all I’ve got for today. I need to head back to work because I have taken up my entire lunch hour writing this. I hope everyone else enjoyed this somewhat graphic post. However, if this post wasn’t to your liking please address your comments to Cathy “Kitty” Lucca.

– gina 🙂

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